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Lets face it, there’s a reason why some people are single (3 Reasons why some people are single & red flags to look for when dating) When I entered the singles scene 3 years ago, it didn’t take me long to figure out that there is a reason why so many people are single. Sure, we all have different specific reasons why, but for the most part, most everyone’s reasons fall into three distinct categories. Pride: We’ve all seen it. We’ve all talked to or dated them. The kind of person who is so self centered and vain that words hardly can describe them. Just a short time ago, I started talking with the single sister of an old business associate that I ran into online. Id always thought that she was cute, but had never really talked to her before. I knew that she hardly ever dated (2 times in the last year or so), but now I had my chance! Well…that optimism sure ended quickly. We chatted on IM the first night for about 20 minutes or so. The conversation was pretty good, not great, but sometimes chemistry takes time. Most of the conversation that first night was about her. The only part about me, is when she asked the reason why I was divorced, and that part of the conversation was only about 45 seconds. A couple of days later I noticed that she was online, and I thought that I would give it another shot. A few minutes into the conversation, and she went off. She wanted to let me know “what women think” of men who are divorced and who constantly talk about their ex. How inappropriate it was for me to constantly bring her up in all of our conversations. Admittedly, I started wondering if maybe those pills the Dr gave me for my stomach had caused some brain damage, because I only knew of us talking one time before, and as I mentioned earlier, she asked about the ex, and I gave her a very, very brief explanation (as this was the only time afforded me, anyways)! I quickly went back through our IM conversation, and yes, there was only the one, and yes, there were a total of three lines about my divorce before the conversation switched back to being about her. So here I was, conversation number two, defending myself for something I hadn’t done to someone who hadn’t been in a real relationship in nearly 10 years (and obviously had some lingering issues). At this point, needless to say, it was time to cut my losses…NEXT! From counseling with couples and other divorced singles, it seems that pride is a factor in a lot of divorces. From infidelity, to abuse, that’s where things start-pride. When we stop caring for and about our significant other, and start putting our own needs above theirs, that’s when things seem to fall apart. But of course, they have to be doing the same thing. Unfortunately, their pride can be the issue, not only ours. I guess all we can do is work on our issues, and hope that they are mature enough and love us enough to do the same. Fanaticism: I call it “Must love Dogs Syndrome,” but really we can be obsessed with just about anything in our lives. The person who just has to go rock climbing every Saturday. Every post they do on the internet has to do with Obama, their car, or their toy poodle. As singles, oftentimes we lack that opportunity to build balanced relationships in our lives. We aren’t able to focus on the things that God put is here on earth to do. Focus on a spouse, and in time, our children, also. So we find substitutes. We fill our time with band-aids. The things that help us to not have to face the fact that we are single. That we are lonely, hurting, and long for human touch and companionship. Don’t get me wrong, hobbies are a great thing to fill the time, help us relax and blow off a little steam every now and then. However, when someone is obsessed with a certain topic or activity, it can be a sign of mental or emotional issues, that will oftentimes progress and become worse as relationships deepen and grow. So if you notice that all ten of their pictures are of them posing with their dog, kissing their dog, or that it has a wardrobe to rival your own...RUN! Socially awkward: The third and final reason why people are single could be subdivided into so many areas: Fear of commitment, lack of understanding of the true nature of love, being socially immature, bad hygiene, or even just that broad chasm of just being “weird.” I’ve dated some really great women, who after one or two dates want to be joined at the hip from that day forward. I’ve also dated the other extreme-15 months of semi-relationship turmoil where we spent 20-40 hours a week together, didn’t date other people, but having it be an actual “relationship” just wasn’t right-well, at least to her it wasn’t. I’ve also dated the girl who tries to strip you down and have sex with you after you talk to her for 10 minutes when you go to pick her up for your first date. Don’t get me wrong, sex is a good thing! But any relationship that starts that way, has little chance of making it when things get tough, and they always do get tough. Relationships that last, are built upon love and respect, a general concern for the well being of your partner. Sex deepens that which is already there…and if there isn’t something already there…then its just a booty call. On the subject of socially awkward, I did want to share one experience, just because now it’s a pet peeve of mine. This was a first date a couple years back with a woman who I met online and talked to for a week or two before we decided to meet. We did the old standby after work one night of dinner and a movie. The conversation was good…she just didn’t seem to understand the concept that the conversation should have ended once the movie started. It wasn’t just the fact that she still continued to talk, but there also wasn’t any discernible drop in the volume of her speech. How embarrassing, to have even the teenagers (who are usually the obnoxious ones in the movie theaters) giving you dirty looks, because the woman you are with will not simply shut up! There are so many experiences that I could share, but lets hear from you! What are the reasons why a person you have dated is still single? Jack Oborne Free LDS Dating Joint Custody Initiative
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Dating, Divorce, Red flags, Single, Relationship, marriage, drama,
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