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Dissolution of marriage will create a pathetic situation for many people. At first place, comes both the spouse, husband and wife. Then comes the family members. Last, but not the least, is the child. Adults are matured and can handle the situation. They can bear the pain and suffering. But, it is not same in case of a child. Firstly, a child cannot understand the complicating nature of a divorce. He remains confused with whatever happening at home. Whenever a child comes to know about the separation of their mom and dad, they can not bear the pain. Their pain is unimaginable. With the news of separation, a child might feel insecure. Now, the most critical situation occurs when the parent had to break the news of their separation to the child. This is the most dreadful situation for a child, when s/he have to part from one of the parent. As a parent, you will never want your child to suffer dejectedly on your decision to separate. Thus, you have to handle the situation in a different way. Before, disclosing the facts about your separation with your partner, you have to choose a perfect time. Choose a time, when you are mentally and emotional prepared and can handle your child with love and care. You must be able to interact with them with calmness. You must be very clear and truthful while speaking with them. Tell them clearly that your are separating with you partner. It is best to keep the explanation brief and simple. It would be better, if, you do not use any long-winded reasons, then your children will not have any problem in understanding your words. While dealing with your minors, you have to be conscious about the fact that reaction of the children differs with age. Young child may understand the simple explanation but a grown up child needs more elaboration. It is necessary to inform your child about your separation. This will help them to adjust with the changing environment and in future, they will neither accuse you or your partner for separation. While explaining them, you need to be very calm and cooperative. You may tell your children that you and your partner have tried a lot to get along well, but it is not possible for both of you to continue this relationship. This is not the end, with this you have to ensure them that both of you love him/her dearly. Otherwise the child may feel uncertain about their future. Most of the separating children(Trennungskinder) in divorce assumes that they are only responsible for their parental break up. This illusion weakens the child from inside. Thus, you have to ensure them that they are not involved in this matter and it is not their fault. One mistake you must not do is that never try to compel your child to take your side and develop a strong hatred for the other parent. If, you want to say anything about your partner then pick out the good qualities or say nothing. This is how you can control your children, but never show your pain to them, this will hurt them. Your main task is to inform your child and make them understand why parents are parting. It will be helpful, if you can ask your ex-spouse to do the same. This will help your child to feel that both the parents love them and are always there to help them. So, if you do not want to see your minors devastated then, follow these ideas mentioned above. It will help you to give your children a happy childhood and adulthood. Mchl Mayers's recent handout to separating children(Trennungskinder), has been a marvellous contribution.
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