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The 2016 Elections: Best Comedy of the Year by Gene Myers

The 2016 Elections: Best Comedy of the Year by
Article Posted: 03/04/2016
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The 2016 Elections: Best Comedy of the Year

Cue the circus music, roll out the goofy car filled with 34 baggy-pants clowns…

You’ve got to admit the 2016 election cycle circus is entertaining. It reminds me of all that phony crap we see on TV rasslin’. It’s about as classy as roller derby. That’s also the sad part about the state of affairs in the good ol’ USA. I mean, politics has always been rife with skullduggery and backstabbing, but with the ascension of today’s pretenders we seemed to have reached a zenith of all out buffoonery. I’m talking both sides of the aisle here. The frontrunners are a female Grinch whose as cuddly as a cactus, the butcher of Benghazi, and a bombastic blowhard, the bully of the Bronx. Sheesh!

So far during my span of years on this rocky orb, we’ve been treated to some real lulus beginning with the present occupant of the white house and his predecessor, both topped by the silliest of all, Jimmy (I wish you wouldn’t call me Jimmah) Carter who to this day refers to the Holocaust as “alleged”.

Let’s look at the slate of wannabees starting with the Democrats since they hold the office now.

Bernie Sanders appeals to many young “have-nots” because of his pledge to turn the country into a socialist utopia—never mind that the socialist economic model has never worked. However, you have to give Bernie props for being honest about his intentions. He freely admits he never held a job until he was forty, and sustained himself by mooching off women. The man is totally upfront, which is rare for ANY politician. Also, voters are just plain angry at the DC elitist crowd. The establishment has gone too far according to many people. The old definition of insanity; that is, doing the same thing and expecting a different result has found a resonant chord. For those angry bomb-throwing left wingers, and they are a growing constituency, Bernie is their man; a veritable Robin Hood who will redistribute everyone’s money.

Then there is Hillary who is the likely nominee for the fall runoff. She’s still miffed because Obama hijacked her presidency. She had it in the bag in 2008 until the senator from Illinois appealed to the electorate as a better choice; and many American people wanted to share history by claiming they voted for the first black president. But what about the first woman president? Wouldn’t that count as history? It all came down to charisma. Obama has some; Hillary has none—and I mean ZERO. She has the charm of a cobra. Recall that her husband, whether you liked him or not, had charisma in spades. Even George H. W. Bush admitted, “I like Bill.” A recent joke: What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? Answer: I’ll be home in twenty minutes. (rim shot) Unfortunately, Hillary frequently gets caught reversing her field based on the whim of the day. When confronted with a past on-air interview in living color and sound in which she declared over-and-over that she was pro-life, she denied to Anderson Cooper she ever said it. Huh? To be fair, that’s not different from most politicians, but she comes off like a meaner version of Cruela DeVil. Women used to say Bill had sex appeal, and it wasn’t considered a sexist remark. I suppose saying Hillary has ZERO sex appeal would be considered sexist. Whatever… Hillary criticized Trump for having a protester removed from one of his rallies then proceeded to have a Marine, who asked about Benghazi, thrown out of hers. Bill told the serviceman to, “Shut up and listen!”

Of course Hillary could be indicted, but I doubt that’ll happen. Recall that all it took was five ill-placed classified emails for Petraeus to get booted and excoriated by public opinion. So far, Hillary’s up to 2,080. If the FBI brings legal action, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Joe Biden jump in. Joe would be a fun candidate given his proclivity for foot-in-mouth statements.

The Democrats have one HUGE advantage whomever their choice; an enormous Super PAC called the mainstream media. They’re in the bag for whoever wins the Democrat nomination, and they’re rooting for Hillary. My prediction: media bias will be 20 to 1. That may even include Fox News, which I’ll explain below. One big problem for the media is that voters seem to have had enough of politicians named Clinton and Bush.

That brings me to the (sigh) G.O.P.

I’m not sure what to say about “the field” (Cruz, Rubio, because the Donald has sucked all of the air out of the room. You have to admit he’s probably the most polarizing dude on the planet since Bobby Knight. To his credit, he’s totally unabashed and doesn’t play by the rules as outlined by establishment politicians and media. I wonder if all of his noise isn’t mainly about insidiously improving the Trump brand—that and nothing more. Well, we’ll see won’t we?

Early on, Fox News reported Trump would drop out of the race. When he didn’t, it made them look bad—like they needed any help—and they became vociferously anti-Trump led by Megan Kelly. Trump responded by calling Kelly a few choice names. The media response was like, “How dare he…” But that’s our Donald; no filter; no dimmer switch…

One cannot help but notice that ALL establishment cohorts are coming out vigorously against Trump. This comprises Democrats, Republicans, Hollywood, print and electronic media including Fox News and Rush Limbaugh—basically the universe. It rather makes me scratch my head wondering just what is everyone afraid of? Then I recalled a quote from Jonathan Swift, to wit: “When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.” Now I am not suggesting Trump is a genius, but he does have a stellar academic record, certainly much superior to Obama, Bush 43, Kerry, and Gore (look it up), and his business record testifies he has street smarts. But whatever he is doing scares the bejesus out of the establishment old guard many of whom I relegate to the status of dunce. I am not drawing a conclusion of any kind, just suggesting the unrelenting attacks and lies from all quarters are curious.

The most reasonable and sincere of all (Dems and GOP) seems to be Dr. Ben Carson. He is articulate, smart, speaks softly, and always makes sense. Like Bernie Sanders he comes off as honest and definitely anti-establishment. However, after an early good showing, he’s faded into the background. The dark horse is Ted Cruz who seems to be gaining momentum, and should benefit from his party’s hatred of Trump. I wouldn’t be surprised if Cruz steals the nomination.

I’ll say this about the Republican establishment. They just can’t seem to avoid stepping on their own Johnsons. They demand a loyalty statement from Trump, then say they will not back him if he wins the nomination. Wha…??? If the Donald gets ousted during the convention, don’t be surprised if he pulls a Ross Perot just to spite the GOP, and ruin any chance the hapless bumblers have of regaining POTUS.

As for me, I dropped out of the American election process two cycles ago in a greasy, black funk of cynicism and sarcasm. I agree with Robert Ringer’s statement in 1977; that is, the two parties are basically the same, framing arguments to fake us out—we being the gullible, saliva-bubbling, nose-picking public. As such, I have no right to carp and complain no matter the result. However, I reserve the right to sit on the sidelines and make smart-alecky remarks and observations.

BUT, dear reader, all is not lost. There is another choice you can make; mainly, write in my name when you vote. I promise to be the most egregious individual ever to hold the office. Think of all the boondoggles and wild parties we could have. Here’s my pitch:

Let’s talk about elections! Let’s talk about America! Let’s talk about American elections! And hi, friends, I’m Gene Myers founder of the Zen Judaism party where “Everything is sacred, and everything’s for sale.” If elected, I promise to “habla more Español” and “be more freeway close” than any other candidate. AND—I will not be undersold! Free hotdogs for mom and dad and free candy for the kiddies. (Merchandise will be marked-up to cover the cost.)

Slogan: Yahoo my middle name is Lew. Well, it's actually Lewis, but that's too many syllables for the slogan.

Eugene Lewis Myers, the premium candidate at a popular cost.

Related Articles - 2016 election cycle, Sanders, Hillary, Trump, Carson, mainstream media bias, Democrats, GOP,

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