I hate getting old.

I remember I could eat anything, hot and spicy, sweet and creamy, and not think about it. Now it sits there all through the night, yes acid reflux? An even banana the bland fruit gives me mild gas. Once I went shopping after supper, we had eaten pot roast with plenty of vegetables. It was an embarrassment for my daughters, every time I walked down the aisle gas would emanate in loud blasts. Then when someone turned into the aisle I would look at them and say “ Really girls this is neither the time or the place”, and smile when the person passed by. We were all laughing in the end the gas just kept on going.

I do love to see the celebrities, especially the ones closer to my age in the fifties who have had those multiple face-lifts and look like Crueller De Ville. They look absolutely horrible. Their cheeks stick out in points their eyes look as though they cannot close and they have hollows near their mouth where their huge lips protrude, now that must hurt. You could not stretch the skin anymore and they look all the same, long blonde dry looking hair, with fake eyelashes, and long red nails. No wonder their husbands go after the young girls they look scary, and turning the light on in the night must bring on some anxiety. Of course that does work both ways!

I wish I could see the Kardashians in forty years, I doubt the change everything as false as it is now. Only they will be stiff and those high-heeled shoes will be diamond runners, unless they wear shin guards in case they fall. Kim is a hopeless case. Sex tapes and celebrity does not make a person she has no insight or knowledge of the outside world, and with all her money has no idea the power she does have to help those in need. Not thinking makes life a lot easier for now.

Ah! But age comes to us all, dying comes to us all, and those thoughts of what we did not do will plague our thoughts before we give up our mortal coil. Kris the mother actually complained about her fabulous daughter’s Khloé Kardashian weight on TV. What kind of mother does that? Was she thinking about the money or her daughter? As for Scott Disick, good grief to actually have him in a show makes me realize all knowledge is dead in Hollywood, run by the diminished pointy heads who see nothing, hear nothing , and rake in weirdo’s off the street who are cheap and would do anything to be famous. Cheap Media TV, will squeeze anyone to make money, especially those who think they are the next great personality. Of course Paris Hilton, and the great Gene Simmons, in forty years will just be memories of the past, or just forgotten.

I have just come up with an idea for a cheap show. The Kardashians on the Amazing Race, or Survivor, Yes I know that will never happen and Gene Simmons too old.

Give me real people with real faces, those wrinkles mean something living their lives to the fullest, doing something spectacular that changed the world as seen on 60 Minutes.

I love about my age I never want to be young again. All those things that worried me don’t mean a hill of beans now. Teenage angst , now that was hell. Do I look good enough, is my hair okay, does this dress fit well, does the boy like me, sleeping in hair rollers every night, hairspray, ladders in tights, school work, and misery when your boyfriend or girlfriend dumps you.. Even in the twenties we dragged our butts out of those teenage years and brought some of the baggage with us.

It was a time of the pure in heart , some of us did not know what sex was, we believed in marriage and did not sleep around, and we never worried about being pregnant or getting diseases, of course that world changed and now we end up with babies before marriage, easy divorces, and no thought at all for the children.

Now when I stand in the check out aisle and the young man packs up my groceries I am cheeky I call him handsome and see his cheeks go red. Perish the thought, I would never have done that when I was a teenager.

I love life but it goes too fast. When I was young time seemed never ending then suddenly it sped up and now I have to keep up with it. Friends of thirty years look old and I forget that I do to. Of course I would have liked to have a bit more money but all in all these last thirty-three years have been good and my childhood easy to forget.

Written by Susan Oliver. 1. Bulk Lot Novelties

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